my talking donkey day

So, it's not even lunch time yet, and already it's "one of those day..." It's a talking donkey day.

For starters, I overslept. This has actually happened several times this week, as the temperatures begin to drop here in Colorado Springs and my duvet just feels ever warmer and more snuggly with each passing chilly morning. So right away, I knew I'd have to scramble through the cold of my closet to put together an ensemble that didn't need to be ironed. And the hair? Yeah, it was going in a ponytail at best. Good thing I've mastered the ability to complete my morning skincare routine while driving my Jeep to work, I thought as I hastily brushed my teeth and dabbed my favorite apple perfume behind my ears.

Once dressed, I hustled back downstairs to rummage through the fridge for leftovers. I was up late last night making a lasagna (and listening to my roommate do something in the kitchen that involved a lot of pots and pans banging around for several hours), so I sliced a piece out of the pan for my lunch and selected the appropriate-sized Tupperware container to put it in. Soon, the fight was on to get the Tupperware lid to close! Somehow, it seemed to have shrunk and was no longer the same size as the container. And sadly, it took me about five minutes of struggling 'til blisters were being rubbed on my fingers to realize that I could just get a different container out of the cupboard...

I then threw on my fleece, grabbed my purse, shoved a bagel and my lunch leftovers into my tote bag, ripped the keys off the hook by the door, and dashed outside into the brisk, misty morning... only to find my Jeep completely covered in ice. So there I was, at the time when I'm normally arriving at work, still scraping ice off my windows. Once my lateral vision for tactical vehicular maneuvering was established, I finally climbed in the car and joined the now very-thick-flow of commuter traffic, which was made even slower by several construction trucks entering and exiting the freeway in the work zone through which I always have to drive.

Hoping that my day would improve once I got to work, my hopes were quickly dashed when my scheduled short meeting with a lady in the accounting department to reconcile my boss' confusing credit card statements turned into a two-hour head-shaking, eye-rolling, nervous-giggling "These don't make any sense to me, either" session, which we both left with more questions than answers.

And my talking donkey day is far from over, I know. What is a talking donkey day, you may be wondering? Simple -- it's a day full of moments when nothing goes your way. You know what I'm talking about. I know you can relate. Everyone can relate. We all have those moments when everything snowballs, when all the fates seem against us, when our horoscope is most definitely out of whack, when we order Chinese and not only do not get a fortune -- we don't even get a cookie. That's a talking donkey day. Talking donkeys are everywhere: the 18-wheeler you're stuck behind while driving up a mountain freeway... the run you discover in your last pair of pantyhose... the cup of coffee you spill all over your handwritten thesis manuscript... the meeting you aren't prepared for because you thought it was tomorrow....

The story of Balaam's talking donkey in Numbers 22 is one of the most humorous and relevant stories you could ever read. Humorous, because Balaam actually starts arguing with his donkey once it begins to talk -- instead of realizing that he is talking to a donkey! Relevant, because the donkey knew something Balaam didn't know, and was actually acting for his benefit. The donkey saw the angel of the Lord in the roadway, waiting to strike Balaam dead, and so she kept turning away and refusing to go forward in order to protect Balaam. But what did Balaam do? He beat the donkey nearly to death.

Oh, how we can all relate to Balaam! We get so annoyed and aggravated when we don't get our way, when everything seems to be working against us, when every traffic light is red, when the alarm doesn't go off, when our tires are flat... or when the lid to our Tupperware container doesn't fit. Was the donkey trying to give Balaam a hint? Absolutely. Was my Tupperware container trying to tell me something? No doubt. But what did I do? I kept trying to beat it into submission.

What would have happened it Balaam had got his way? He would have been struck down by the angel of the Lord. What could have happened if I'd stuck with the ill-fitting Tupperware? The lid could have broken open and lasagna could have spilled all over my tote bag, ruining my planner, smearing my utility bills in marinara sauce, making my sunglasses smell like parmesan and garlic. What if I hadn't overslept? I could have awakened on time and had no ice on my car, and could have ended up in the car accident I passed by while driving to work.

Since a sermon I heard many, many years ago about Balaam, I have learned to be grateful for my talking donkeys -- because you just never know what they might be preventing you from. Now, everytime I encounter one, I just give a loud "EEE-YAWWW!!!" and praise God that He sent something so simple and trite to get my attention.

So if you should drive past my house this winter and see me "EEE-YAWWW!!!"-ing while scraping ice off my car yet again, just roll down your window and bray right back, 'cause we'll both know your turn will be coming soon!