anxious moments

I think it's my biggest fear -- not losing my own life, but losing the life of someone I love. I turn on the news to see that a Blackhawk helicopter has crashed in northern Iraq, killing all on board, and my heart stops.... Was that my brother? Why don't the news reports tell us what regiment? What unit? I'm a relative -- someone notify me, please!

Some of you know what it's like to wait for that phone call... one call or the other... praying for the one, hoping the other never comes... desperate for either because not knowing is killing you...

My brother posted a message on our family's website just two days ago, saying he was alive and well and coming home soon. Suddenly, I'm swallowed up in the terrible irony... what if he isn't? What if those were the last words I heard from him? Coworkers gather round me to pray, and the deepest prayer of my heart can't be voiced aloud... He has a family, a small son... I have nothing... take me instead....

And then the phone rings....

It's the one call we prayed for. He's okay. He's still alive and well and coming home soon. Tears of joy and relief mingle with regret and guilt... because my phone call means that someone else just received the other call...